Cheeky look at 4 months old - takes after his mama there!
I was woken up by cats fighting in the night and as I was lying there waiting to get back to sleep, I got to thinking. Of this wondrous journey that is motherhood. Of the magic of the past years. Of how quickly those years fly by. Of how important it is to make the most of each moment, to live a life of awareness. Of how much I have learnt about myself, people in general, and our society. I have had many questions about parenting along the way and I have tried to tune into my instincts and Jed's needs more than whatever most mama's/kids were up to. I think I have done pretty well by us.
I felt incredibly blessed to have had Jed almost six years ago. He came crashing into the world after his Dad and I had only really just met. Right from that surprising start, we were both really clear that we wanted to be this little person's parents. Looking back over the last 5 and a half years, I am so glad I parented the way I felt I needed to. It continues to be a most magical journey. I love this little boy so very much.
Mother's Day is one of celebration but also a day of remembrance. I have had eight miscarriages in the last few years. I remember those little beings I felt quicken inside me to be lost to the greater world again. I thought of all my friends whose babies or children who have died, all the amazing single mama's, the mama's whose children have passed before them, those who have lost their mama's recently and those who desperately wanted to be mama's, but couldn't. I have made my peace with my losses. Having another child has not been an obsession like it can become....but that emotional and physical roller coaster is a hard one no matter how well you manage it. I cherished every minute I got to carry those babies. Kinda how I love Jed. I have no regrets. And I love who we are as a family today.
That peace is a wonderful Mothers Day realisation.
Happy Mother's Day my lovelies.
A very young Jed in the sling
(And thank you Jed and Ra for the breakfast in bed, bike-ride in the sun, the heartfelt gifts and the wonderful cards you made. Most of all, thank you for being you. x)