Saturday, August 19, 2017

A real life honest dating profile




My neighbour has been online dating like a beast. Not that I'm looking but she’s been egging me on to do the same but I just can’t do it. Besides, if I were wrote an honest dating profile it might look like this:

                                   Ageing feminist seeks maverick cohort
I am a writer with a wicked sense of humour who loves long walks on the beach and sedate bike rides. On Saturdays I might be found at the farmers' market with friends, at a protest or rally, giving a workshop, working in the garden, making bread, sewing or writing.

When I asked friends what words popped up when they thought of me they said: generous, courageous, deep-listener, wanderer, resourceful, thinker, intelligent, grounded, natural, kind and wholehearted. (So far, so good, right?)

I am an introvert with extrovert leanings. I love a party and can be the life of it, but mostly will be having an intense conversation with one person in a corner. After a busy conference, festival or giving a workshop, I may need to stare at a blank wall for 24 hours to recover.
I am older than I look and come with a warning. I wear makeup and shave my underarms, legs and bikini line but didn’t for twenty years and could revert to the aforementioned makeup-less and hairy state at any moment. You need to be cool with that. Ideally you’d be attracted to me, not my body hair, or lack of it.

Hopefully you won’t freak out when I hand over my reusable cup for takeaway coffee or pack my groceries in cloth shopping bags. Perhaps you have your own? That would be cute. We could match.

Due to the lottery that is genetics, I am on the slender side of curvy but it’s not from strenuous exercise. I’m not a fan. I have an active lifestyle, enjoy going on walks and do yoga but won’t be accompanying you on 12 mile runs or training for any marathons. I am equally ambivalent about activewear.

My friends also called me stylish. I get that from my Nana, who never left the house without her pearls and lipstick. For years I have sourced my clothes from op shops, trademe or make them myself because I don’t want to be part of a throw-away fashion world and frankly, buying new is both boring and out of my price range. Ethical is where the future is at. Call me an early adopter. Oh yes...and you won’t mind about the four boxes that contain my fabric stash under the bed. Or late night frantic sewing sessions that involve loud music and swearing. You might even be a compulsive creative yourself?

In my work life, I am a kick ass professional in the not-for-profit world. Or a social change agent, depending on whose asking. That means I work that ass off for a modest wage. I sleep well at night and love my work but I won’t be booking any overseas holidays this winter.

Oh. And I come as a package deal. I have an awesome son. Who is homeschooled. Oh, I can hear people scattering! But wait. There’s more. And did I mention the little dog, toothless ancient rescue cat, the ducks and the rabbit? If you are attached to your laptop cord or phone charger, don’t leave it lying around, one of us will chew it.

Yeah. Get more cats you say? Maybe so. I was just getting started.

3 comments:

  1. I love your honest profile, and if and when you are ready to enter the online dating world you should post it exactly as it is. It is brilliant and the responses you will get will be ones that you might actually be interested in replying to. 'Ok cupid' would be a great site to use.

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  2. oh goodness! you sound perfect! especially the cord eating rabbit bit, and the "kick ass professional in the not-for-profit" world"!!! I think we'd be great friends - you've just successfully described me too... (This is not me flirting, I'm married btw, just thought I'd say hi!) And, as the previous commentor posted... use this exact profile for any future attempts at online dating! You'd scare off the fake ones and attract the awesome ones!!!

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  3. An awesome profile. You don't have to have 'honest' as a quality as it oozes from this profile. I love that you are not apologetic. You are deserving of someone wonderful and this is a good way to attract the right person. Not sure there are any dating sites that would fit though....

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